I think I failed my assignment! I missed a vital clue from blackboard! Oh well!
I completed 5 min of Michelle's training video and only consumed about 1000 cals today - I better lose weight
Monday 23 May 2011
Sunday 22 May 2011
Rambling - Day 1 12WBT
I have almost completed my Bach Health, Ageing and Community Services. Which is FANTASTIC! However I am really stuck on my second last assignment - so I thought I would come here and ramble so I could get on with it!
Today is day 1 of the 12WBT. At this stage I cannot download Mich's first chat! Grrr, mainly because of my Internet speed - it keeps getting stuck in the same place. Oh well.
I slept in this morning, not good for exercise or study! So I am still to do today's workout. But that is ok, I WILL DO IT! As for the food - it isn't BAD, but I am not excited about it. Rice cakes for lunch on day 1! Yik!
So here we go folks - the pressure is on - work is BUZZING in my head - too much to do to have a STUDY day! But it is going to be ok. Well, I hope it is! Do not doubt - there is no room for that in my life at the moment. Enough ugly stuff has been sneaking in lately!
Oh well, onwards and upwards! Gee, the thought of work is making me sick :(
Today is day 1 of the 12WBT. At this stage I cannot download Mich's first chat! Grrr, mainly because of my Internet speed - it keeps getting stuck in the same place. Oh well.
I slept in this morning, not good for exercise or study! So I am still to do today's workout. But that is ok, I WILL DO IT! As for the food - it isn't BAD, but I am not excited about it. Rice cakes for lunch on day 1! Yik!
So here we go folks - the pressure is on - work is BUZZING in my head - too much to do to have a STUDY day! But it is going to be ok. Well, I hope it is! Do not doubt - there is no room for that in my life at the moment. Enough ugly stuff has been sneaking in lately!
Oh well, onwards and upwards! Gee, the thought of work is making me sick :(
Saturday 21 May 2011
Another Loss!
Another 1.4kg down on the scales today! Yippee :)
So I have lost 2.6kg before I have even started 12WBT! I am very happy about this :)
Got lots of things to do today - like buy all my good food. Go to a friends linen party and finish my assignment! Hopefully a much clearer head space day today :)
So I have lost 2.6kg before I have even started 12WBT! I am very happy about this :)
Got lots of things to do today - like buy all my good food. Go to a friends linen party and finish my assignment! Hopefully a much clearer head space day today :)
Given Up
Next horrible stage of today.
I am very keen to start exercising. And after my walk, and moments of jogging today I feel ready to go. I want to clean the house, go shopping and start cooking. But I have an assignment due Monday, and I am nowhere near completed it. And I don't even know if I have the answers :( So that has brought me down. So I have given up on it. But with it I have this feeling of giving up on work and friendships too, because it all seems sooo hard!
I looked at my near naked pic of myself and felt so low. I felt dumb, stupid, ugly and worthless. I am ashamed of who I have become. I don't want to face the world anymore. I don't want to see people, go to work, try to help others. I want to stay home, clean my house and get better. I want the time to look after me!
Maybe I am holding onto the dread and guilt? I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything else. I just want to watch a movie and have a giggle. And that is what I will do. But that isn't helping this assignment be written, isn't getting the house clean. Oh poo - time to win a Tattslotto draw - the whole $20 million. I would share it around. After I built my dream home, swimming pool, gym... lol And enough $$ to retire. I don't want to work.
Grrr, I hate it when I feel like this! I feel like I just bring everyone around me down, or that they are just pretending to be my friends. Sometimes things just get muddled in my head!
Ok, off to turn the idiot box on! What a dick!
I am very keen to start exercising. And after my walk, and moments of jogging today I feel ready to go. I want to clean the house, go shopping and start cooking. But I have an assignment due Monday, and I am nowhere near completed it. And I don't even know if I have the answers :( So that has brought me down. So I have given up on it. But with it I have this feeling of giving up on work and friendships too, because it all seems sooo hard!
I looked at my near naked pic of myself and felt so low. I felt dumb, stupid, ugly and worthless. I am ashamed of who I have become. I don't want to face the world anymore. I don't want to see people, go to work, try to help others. I want to stay home, clean my house and get better. I want the time to look after me!
Maybe I am holding onto the dread and guilt? I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything else. I just want to watch a movie and have a giggle. And that is what I will do. But that isn't helping this assignment be written, isn't getting the house clean. Oh poo - time to win a Tattslotto draw - the whole $20 million. I would share it around. After I built my dream home, swimming pool, gym... lol And enough $$ to retire. I don't want to work.
Grrr, I hate it when I feel like this! I feel like I just bring everyone around me down, or that they are just pretending to be my friends. Sometimes things just get muddled in my head!
Ok, off to turn the idiot box on! What a dick!
Guilt
I am having another moment of guilt. And I REALLY do not like this! I have this horrible sinking feeling - from my throat to the pit of my stomach! Had that a couple of times this week. And really, it's not my fault! I think I need to get it out there big time at the moment!
I cant go into details, because it would break confidentiality. So, there is nothing to say. However I need to get rid of this feeling. This is not mine to carry. I hold on to things that should not burden me. I need to let them go. I feel like I need to fess up - but I didn't do anything wrong. This happens to me every now and then. It's like I corner myself.
So good-bye guilt. The ride is over - I need to move on and make sure things are in place to prevent potential 'guilt' situations again!
I cant go into details, because it would break confidentiality. So, there is nothing to say. However I need to get rid of this feeling. This is not mine to carry. I hold on to things that should not burden me. I need to let them go. I feel like I need to fess up - but I didn't do anything wrong. This happens to me every now and then. It's like I corner myself.
So good-bye guilt. The ride is over - I need to move on and make sure things are in place to prevent potential 'guilt' situations again!
Friday 20 May 2011
1st Fitness test
Bahahaha... well, if I don't laugh I'd have to cry! Beginner lever is anything slower than 8min to run 1km - took me 16 and that was 100 meters short... I have a perfect 900 meter stretch you see!
I did ok at push up's - so maybe I was doing them wrong! And the rest I failed miserably. But I feel great. This is the first time I have ever had a starting measure of my fitness.
I did ok at push up's - so maybe I was doing them wrong! And the rest I failed miserably. But I feel great. This is the first time I have ever had a starting measure of my fitness.
I'm Back!
Here I am... sitting here on a beautiful Saturday morning. Frosty white outside, but the sun is thawing everything out.
I have had an interesting week. I have done really well. 2 days off the wagon. But that's ok - did not enjoy it, and paid for it! So c'mon Monday!
This Monday is the start of the 12WBT. I have looked at the program now. It is a little daunting. But that is ok. The food looks a little scary. Lot's of fish. I don't eat fish. So, lots of poor little chickens coming up. And I have not seen her simple cooking instructions yet!
As for exercise I bought Michelle Bridges DVD's and she has incorporated them into her training, so that is good. Much easier to follow. But the crunches and squats and things will take some learning! I also bought a book/diary called It's All About Me. Ive had one before, and they are good. It is a calorie counter, but the left side of the page is for exercise. I never really used it before, so now I can write down what I am doing and compare easily, so I will be able to see all the progress I will make :)
During the week Mich asked us to weigh in and measure up. That wasn't too bad, as I do that weekly for my BLC tracking anyway. BUT... she wanted a picture of us in underwear or 2 piece swimmers! WTF! OMG! I did it. THAT was HORRIBLE! I pity anyone that has to look at that. As a result, I will not be posting it. I would have to say, that is one of my worst shots.
So, why did I drink this week? Well, I think it was guilt. I am not really comfortable with a lot of things I do. Well, that's not really the point. I am in a uncomfortable position. I want to do a good job, and I don't feel that I can do more than what I am. So between that and putting things on people I don't want, it gets hard. Anyway, I could dribble about thousands of things that annoy me. But that is not the point. The point is my daughter has been a wonderful support, and actually physically tackled me at the bottle shop the other day :) Got to love her!
I also got 2 results for my assignment's for uni this week, a credit and a distinction. So I am very happy with that. I have 2 more due, so the next 2 weeks blogging (OH POO - ONLY 1 WEEK LEFT!) will be minimal. But will try to jot my achievement's with 12WBT daily :)
Love and peace to all xx
I have had an interesting week. I have done really well. 2 days off the wagon. But that's ok - did not enjoy it, and paid for it! So c'mon Monday!
This Monday is the start of the 12WBT. I have looked at the program now. It is a little daunting. But that is ok. The food looks a little scary. Lot's of fish. I don't eat fish. So, lots of poor little chickens coming up. And I have not seen her simple cooking instructions yet!
As for exercise I bought Michelle Bridges DVD's and she has incorporated them into her training, so that is good. Much easier to follow. But the crunches and squats and things will take some learning! I also bought a book/diary called It's All About Me. Ive had one before, and they are good. It is a calorie counter, but the left side of the page is for exercise. I never really used it before, so now I can write down what I am doing and compare easily, so I will be able to see all the progress I will make :)
During the week Mich asked us to weigh in and measure up. That wasn't too bad, as I do that weekly for my BLC tracking anyway. BUT... she wanted a picture of us in underwear or 2 piece swimmers! WTF! OMG! I did it. THAT was HORRIBLE! I pity anyone that has to look at that. As a result, I will not be posting it. I would have to say, that is one of my worst shots.
So, why did I drink this week? Well, I think it was guilt. I am not really comfortable with a lot of things I do. Well, that's not really the point. I am in a uncomfortable position. I want to do a good job, and I don't feel that I can do more than what I am. So between that and putting things on people I don't want, it gets hard. Anyway, I could dribble about thousands of things that annoy me. But that is not the point. The point is my daughter has been a wonderful support, and actually physically tackled me at the bottle shop the other day :) Got to love her!
I also got 2 results for my assignment's for uni this week, a credit and a distinction. So I am very happy with that. I have 2 more due, so the next 2 weeks blogging (OH POO - ONLY 1 WEEK LEFT!) will be minimal. But will try to jot my achievement's with 12WBT daily :)
Love and peace to all xx
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