Given Up

Next horrible stage of today.
I am very keen to start exercising. And after my walk, and moments of jogging today I feel ready to go. I want to clean the house, go shopping and start cooking. But I have an assignment due Monday, and I am nowhere near completed it. And I don't even know if I have the answers :( So that has brought me down. So I have given up on it. But with it I have this feeling of giving up on work and friendships too, because it all seems sooo hard!

I looked at my near naked pic of myself and felt so low. I felt dumb, stupid, ugly and worthless. I am ashamed of who I have become. I don't want to face the world anymore. I don't want to see people, go to work, try to help others. I want to stay home, clean my house and get better. I want the time to look after me!

Maybe I am holding onto the dread and guilt? I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything else. I just want to watch a movie and have a giggle. And that is what I will do. But that isn't helping this assignment be written, isn't getting the house clean. Oh poo - time to win a Tattslotto draw - the whole $20 million. I would share it around. After I built my dream home, swimming pool, gym... lol And enough $$ to retire. I don't want to work.

Grrr, I hate it when I feel like this! I feel like I just bring everyone around me down, or that they are just pretending to be my friends. Sometimes things just get muddled in my head!

Ok, off to turn the idiot box on! What a dick!