I think I failed my assignment! I missed a vital clue from blackboard! Oh well!
I completed 5 min of Michelle's training video and only consumed about 1000 cals today - I better lose weight
Monday, 23 May 2011
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Rambling - Day 1 12WBT
I have almost completed my Bach Health, Ageing and Community Services. Which is FANTASTIC! However I am really stuck on my second last assignment - so I thought I would come here and ramble so I could get on with it!
Today is day 1 of the 12WBT. At this stage I cannot download Mich's first chat! Grrr, mainly because of my Internet speed - it keeps getting stuck in the same place. Oh well.
I slept in this morning, not good for exercise or study! So I am still to do today's workout. But that is ok, I WILL DO IT! As for the food - it isn't BAD, but I am not excited about it. Rice cakes for lunch on day 1! Yik!
So here we go folks - the pressure is on - work is BUZZING in my head - too much to do to have a STUDY day! But it is going to be ok. Well, I hope it is! Do not doubt - there is no room for that in my life at the moment. Enough ugly stuff has been sneaking in lately!
Oh well, onwards and upwards! Gee, the thought of work is making me sick :(
Today is day 1 of the 12WBT. At this stage I cannot download Mich's first chat! Grrr, mainly because of my Internet speed - it keeps getting stuck in the same place. Oh well.
I slept in this morning, not good for exercise or study! So I am still to do today's workout. But that is ok, I WILL DO IT! As for the food - it isn't BAD, but I am not excited about it. Rice cakes for lunch on day 1! Yik!
So here we go folks - the pressure is on - work is BUZZING in my head - too much to do to have a STUDY day! But it is going to be ok. Well, I hope it is! Do not doubt - there is no room for that in my life at the moment. Enough ugly stuff has been sneaking in lately!
Oh well, onwards and upwards! Gee, the thought of work is making me sick :(
Saturday, 21 May 2011
Another Loss!
Another 1.4kg down on the scales today! Yippee :)
So I have lost 2.6kg before I have even started 12WBT! I am very happy about this :)
Got lots of things to do today - like buy all my good food. Go to a friends linen party and finish my assignment! Hopefully a much clearer head space day today :)
So I have lost 2.6kg before I have even started 12WBT! I am very happy about this :)
Got lots of things to do today - like buy all my good food. Go to a friends linen party and finish my assignment! Hopefully a much clearer head space day today :)
Given Up
Next horrible stage of today.
I am very keen to start exercising. And after my walk, and moments of jogging today I feel ready to go. I want to clean the house, go shopping and start cooking. But I have an assignment due Monday, and I am nowhere near completed it. And I don't even know if I have the answers :( So that has brought me down. So I have given up on it. But with it I have this feeling of giving up on work and friendships too, because it all seems sooo hard!
I looked at my near naked pic of myself and felt so low. I felt dumb, stupid, ugly and worthless. I am ashamed of who I have become. I don't want to face the world anymore. I don't want to see people, go to work, try to help others. I want to stay home, clean my house and get better. I want the time to look after me!
Maybe I am holding onto the dread and guilt? I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything else. I just want to watch a movie and have a giggle. And that is what I will do. But that isn't helping this assignment be written, isn't getting the house clean. Oh poo - time to win a Tattslotto draw - the whole $20 million. I would share it around. After I built my dream home, swimming pool, gym... lol And enough $$ to retire. I don't want to work.
Grrr, I hate it when I feel like this! I feel like I just bring everyone around me down, or that they are just pretending to be my friends. Sometimes things just get muddled in my head!
Ok, off to turn the idiot box on! What a dick!
I am very keen to start exercising. And after my walk, and moments of jogging today I feel ready to go. I want to clean the house, go shopping and start cooking. But I have an assignment due Monday, and I am nowhere near completed it. And I don't even know if I have the answers :( So that has brought me down. So I have given up on it. But with it I have this feeling of giving up on work and friendships too, because it all seems sooo hard!
I looked at my near naked pic of myself and felt so low. I felt dumb, stupid, ugly and worthless. I am ashamed of who I have become. I don't want to face the world anymore. I don't want to see people, go to work, try to help others. I want to stay home, clean my house and get better. I want the time to look after me!
Maybe I am holding onto the dread and guilt? I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything else. I just want to watch a movie and have a giggle. And that is what I will do. But that isn't helping this assignment be written, isn't getting the house clean. Oh poo - time to win a Tattslotto draw - the whole $20 million. I would share it around. After I built my dream home, swimming pool, gym... lol And enough $$ to retire. I don't want to work.
Grrr, I hate it when I feel like this! I feel like I just bring everyone around me down, or that they are just pretending to be my friends. Sometimes things just get muddled in my head!
Ok, off to turn the idiot box on! What a dick!
Guilt
I am having another moment of guilt. And I REALLY do not like this! I have this horrible sinking feeling - from my throat to the pit of my stomach! Had that a couple of times this week. And really, it's not my fault! I think I need to get it out there big time at the moment!
I cant go into details, because it would break confidentiality. So, there is nothing to say. However I need to get rid of this feeling. This is not mine to carry. I hold on to things that should not burden me. I need to let them go. I feel like I need to fess up - but I didn't do anything wrong. This happens to me every now and then. It's like I corner myself.
So good-bye guilt. The ride is over - I need to move on and make sure things are in place to prevent potential 'guilt' situations again!
I cant go into details, because it would break confidentiality. So, there is nothing to say. However I need to get rid of this feeling. This is not mine to carry. I hold on to things that should not burden me. I need to let them go. I feel like I need to fess up - but I didn't do anything wrong. This happens to me every now and then. It's like I corner myself.
So good-bye guilt. The ride is over - I need to move on and make sure things are in place to prevent potential 'guilt' situations again!
Friday, 20 May 2011
1st Fitness test
Bahahaha... well, if I don't laugh I'd have to cry! Beginner lever is anything slower than 8min to run 1km - took me 16 and that was 100 meters short... I have a perfect 900 meter stretch you see!
I did ok at push up's - so maybe I was doing them wrong! And the rest I failed miserably. But I feel great. This is the first time I have ever had a starting measure of my fitness.
I did ok at push up's - so maybe I was doing them wrong! And the rest I failed miserably. But I feel great. This is the first time I have ever had a starting measure of my fitness.
I'm Back!
Here I am... sitting here on a beautiful Saturday morning. Frosty white outside, but the sun is thawing everything out.
I have had an interesting week. I have done really well. 2 days off the wagon. But that's ok - did not enjoy it, and paid for it! So c'mon Monday!
This Monday is the start of the 12WBT. I have looked at the program now. It is a little daunting. But that is ok. The food looks a little scary. Lot's of fish. I don't eat fish. So, lots of poor little chickens coming up. And I have not seen her simple cooking instructions yet!
As for exercise I bought Michelle Bridges DVD's and she has incorporated them into her training, so that is good. Much easier to follow. But the crunches and squats and things will take some learning! I also bought a book/diary called It's All About Me. Ive had one before, and they are good. It is a calorie counter, but the left side of the page is for exercise. I never really used it before, so now I can write down what I am doing and compare easily, so I will be able to see all the progress I will make :)
During the week Mich asked us to weigh in and measure up. That wasn't too bad, as I do that weekly for my BLC tracking anyway. BUT... she wanted a picture of us in underwear or 2 piece swimmers! WTF! OMG! I did it. THAT was HORRIBLE! I pity anyone that has to look at that. As a result, I will not be posting it. I would have to say, that is one of my worst shots.
So, why did I drink this week? Well, I think it was guilt. I am not really comfortable with a lot of things I do. Well, that's not really the point. I am in a uncomfortable position. I want to do a good job, and I don't feel that I can do more than what I am. So between that and putting things on people I don't want, it gets hard. Anyway, I could dribble about thousands of things that annoy me. But that is not the point. The point is my daughter has been a wonderful support, and actually physically tackled me at the bottle shop the other day :) Got to love her!
I also got 2 results for my assignment's for uni this week, a credit and a distinction. So I am very happy with that. I have 2 more due, so the next 2 weeks blogging (OH POO - ONLY 1 WEEK LEFT!) will be minimal. But will try to jot my achievement's with 12WBT daily :)
Love and peace to all xx
I have had an interesting week. I have done really well. 2 days off the wagon. But that's ok - did not enjoy it, and paid for it! So c'mon Monday!
This Monday is the start of the 12WBT. I have looked at the program now. It is a little daunting. But that is ok. The food looks a little scary. Lot's of fish. I don't eat fish. So, lots of poor little chickens coming up. And I have not seen her simple cooking instructions yet!
As for exercise I bought Michelle Bridges DVD's and she has incorporated them into her training, so that is good. Much easier to follow. But the crunches and squats and things will take some learning! I also bought a book/diary called It's All About Me. Ive had one before, and they are good. It is a calorie counter, but the left side of the page is for exercise. I never really used it before, so now I can write down what I am doing and compare easily, so I will be able to see all the progress I will make :)
During the week Mich asked us to weigh in and measure up. That wasn't too bad, as I do that weekly for my BLC tracking anyway. BUT... she wanted a picture of us in underwear or 2 piece swimmers! WTF! OMG! I did it. THAT was HORRIBLE! I pity anyone that has to look at that. As a result, I will not be posting it. I would have to say, that is one of my worst shots.
So, why did I drink this week? Well, I think it was guilt. I am not really comfortable with a lot of things I do. Well, that's not really the point. I am in a uncomfortable position. I want to do a good job, and I don't feel that I can do more than what I am. So between that and putting things on people I don't want, it gets hard. Anyway, I could dribble about thousands of things that annoy me. But that is not the point. The point is my daughter has been a wonderful support, and actually physically tackled me at the bottle shop the other day :) Got to love her!
I also got 2 results for my assignment's for uni this week, a credit and a distinction. So I am very happy with that. I have 2 more due, so the next 2 weeks blogging (OH POO - ONLY 1 WEEK LEFT!) will be minimal. But will try to jot my achievement's with 12WBT daily :)
Love and peace to all xx
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Naughty Week - with 1.2kg Weight Loss!!! Alcoholism...
I love my scales this morning! I fessed up to drinking Thursday night, because I used my nasty work mate as an excuse.... My last manager was a bully too. Now I am not going to blame either of these people for turning me towards the bottle - because, to be honest - I love drinking! But the pain I feel from there words makes me hide - I don't drink for fun... So, I need another form of stress relief - I am assume Mich is going to say EXERCISE! And the truth is, it does make you feel better!
So, going back to the fess up - I didn't say what I actually bought, and what I have been doing... Thursday I forgot to confess I also bought KFC for dinner - Yup Zinger Bacon and Cheese burger - fries AND a large popcorn chicken! Fark! And the pre mix cans of wild turkey wasn't just a couple for Thursday night to ease my pain - It was, wait for it..... a whole carton (can I put that in a smaller font so no one can read it?)....
So, my Thursday night binge has been continuing, right through to this morning.... staring at my, longing to be consumed! So, what do I do today? There is NO WAY I am going to throw it out... why? because I want it... Dam - wrong answer. But an honest one. Do I finish off my poor carton today? Or do I hold on to it and see what being back at work trows at me tomorrow??? I don't want to buy anymore - ever again! I have a slight issue, in that my mother is an alcoholic, and she doesn't drive, so I have to go to the bottle shop and buy her grog for her. She called me Friday asking if I could stock her up on Monday - yes that is tomorrow... So, will I buy more for me tomorrow - I have gone in for mum before and not bought myself anything. So I guess that's what I have to visualise - me not buying my turkeys! So I had 5 days on the wagon and 4 days off it...
Ok, I have had enough of thinking about that - 1.2kg weight loss! Yipee!!! It is actually 1.8 according to my BLC tracking, but only 1.2 on my ticker - They should both line up from now on in. So, from Monday to Wednesday I must have been doing something right - and even my binge drinking days my food and a slight increase in exercise is paying off :) So 5 days without the grog = nearly 2kg's weight loss too... So, it theory I should pull a few big numbers once Mich starts kicking my but!
You know I am now sitting here at 9:45 in the morning, listening to Mich in sparodic bits (I'm on satellite broadband - so it is VERY slow), wishing I had a diary with me (that time of the program), trying to write this blog - knowing I need to get wood and feed the chickens - pretending to study and yes - just cracked open a wild turkey - oh dear...
Ok... turkey is going back in fridge, putting shoes on, going to get some wood and feed the chooks! Let's see if I can get this ass right! Stay tuned for a little bit more madness - confessions of an alcoholic?? Who knows... btw - nothing profound in my head... so THANK YOU to whoever chooses to follow this odd life of mine xx
So, going back to the fess up - I didn't say what I actually bought, and what I have been doing... Thursday I forgot to confess I also bought KFC for dinner - Yup Zinger Bacon and Cheese burger - fries AND a large popcorn chicken! Fark! And the pre mix cans of wild turkey wasn't just a couple for Thursday night to ease my pain - It was, wait for it..... a whole carton (can I put that in a smaller font so no one can read it?)....
So, my Thursday night binge has been continuing, right through to this morning.... staring at my, longing to be consumed! So, what do I do today? There is NO WAY I am going to throw it out... why? because I want it... Dam - wrong answer. But an honest one. Do I finish off my poor carton today? Or do I hold on to it and see what being back at work trows at me tomorrow??? I don't want to buy anymore - ever again! I have a slight issue, in that my mother is an alcoholic, and she doesn't drive, so I have to go to the bottle shop and buy her grog for her. She called me Friday asking if I could stock her up on Monday - yes that is tomorrow... So, will I buy more for me tomorrow - I have gone in for mum before and not bought myself anything. So I guess that's what I have to visualise - me not buying my turkeys! So I had 5 days on the wagon and 4 days off it...
Ok, I have had enough of thinking about that - 1.2kg weight loss! Yipee!!! It is actually 1.8 according to my BLC tracking, but only 1.2 on my ticker - They should both line up from now on in. So, from Monday to Wednesday I must have been doing something right - and even my binge drinking days my food and a slight increase in exercise is paying off :) So 5 days without the grog = nearly 2kg's weight loss too... So, it theory I should pull a few big numbers once Mich starts kicking my but!
You know I am now sitting here at 9:45 in the morning, listening to Mich in sparodic bits (I'm on satellite broadband - so it is VERY slow), wishing I had a diary with me (that time of the program), trying to write this blog - knowing I need to get wood and feed the chickens - pretending to study and yes - just cracked open a wild turkey - oh dear...
Ok... turkey is going back in fridge, putting shoes on, going to get some wood and feed the chooks! Let's see if I can get this ass right! Stay tuned for a little bit more madness - confessions of an alcoholic?? Who knows... btw - nothing profound in my head... so THANK YOU to whoever chooses to follow this odd life of mine xx
Friday, 13 May 2011
Hello, Thank you - and blah - week of excuses!
Hi Jess :) And Brooklyn (not sure why you couldn't post here - I know nothing about blogs! Oh and I cant figure out how to find your blogs!) Thank you both for reading my blog, and for my messages. I have had a good week, but fell over a bit on Thursday - I bought alcohol - so much for my 'on the wagon ticker'! I guess I will just start again! I think this should have been a reply btw! The rest a new post! Oh well, I will work this out! lol
Food wise hasn't been too bad, I have even been taking my lunch to work! But last night - when I showed NO DESIRE to cook tea, my wonderful hubby deep fried some chips and dim sims - yup FANTASTIC! (He bought them btw!) I guess this shows me the importance of planning ahead. I am hoping Michelle's program will help me do that, easily. I am busy. Not an excuse, just a reality.
I live on a farm, my first job in the morning is to feed the chickens. I think I worked out it is about 200m to the chicken coupe. Not far, I know - but during winter, when the grass is frozen - well, it is much easier to send my daughter! My plan is to make this into a daily walk. A lap of our block I suppose. I am very unmotivated in the morning. I love my bed. I have undertaken gym things in the mornings before - but the constant 5am start is too much. We wake at that time anyway, my partner leaves here at 6, and I am still dragging my feet at 7. I need to be gone at 7 to get to work on time, otherwise I hit all the traffic (yes, we do get SOME in Tasmania!) A good run takes me about an hour to get in. And usually always that on the way home. So I tend to walk in the door around 6:15 - 6:30. So it is a long day - I'm not here for nearly 12 hours. Now Mich asks me to find a way around our excuses. I really don't know how. I am thinking a slightly longer walk in the morning - a quick 20 min walk at lunch time - and then exercise after tea??? You see, if I don't cook tea, I might get something deep fried, or smothered in butter. In saying this, I am a TERRIBLE cook! lol
So, why did I drink? I received a horrible e-mail off a work colleague. It made me cry to be honest. They are not happy I am in this job, and so they put me down, and bag me out to my work colleagues all the time. So - what would have been a better way to deal with that emotionally? "your worthless - so lets run home and drink" NO MORE! Made me well up just typing that. Very raw still I see! Oh dear... I think I need some good mantras :) I am more than a fat girl ready to die young because I work with a bully! I did send this to HR, and they are going to get a bollocking. But then that is going to have repercussions. So I need all the strength I can muster atm, as I am there manager, and an official warning is just going to get nasty :( So... that's my work life :) I guess this makes it all a little stressful.
Now, on top of all this I am studying Bach Health, Ageing and Community Services at UNE part time. I have 2 assignments due in the next 3 weeks, so my brain is also partially consumed with this, and my home time is FULLY consumed. The good thing is, come June 1 I will be finished, so I will have some me time again, and be able to pick up the house work, farm work and exercise routine again! I think June 1 will be all 12wbt consumed. It is ALL ABOUT ME TIME!
I was following my new found friend Amy on her trip to Melb - she has gone there for the end of 12wbt celebration! How cool is that!! She has lost 95kg?? I think! Maybe 90 - either way, a huge amount of weight. It is strange how for some of us we tend to deal with life through consuming through our mouths... whether it be sweet, savory, cola, alcohol - why is it people have such addictive behaviour? Why don't we go back to good, healthy food. Why should chemicals be sold to us, or really fatty food? Freedom of choice? What wrong with water and lemons? Full cream milk? natural coffee... why do we need water cordial? Coke? Low-joule stuff that isn't even food! Highly processed grains.... grrrr society has gone mad. really, what we need is natural produce. Maybe my plan should be GROW YOUR OWN! Gee, I have enough land to do it... the only thing I may run out of in summer is water - and I know how to get more!
Well today has felt like a rant. Hopefully I can become a little more accountable - the more I rant! Thank you world... and my new fellow bloggers Brooklyn and Jess :) Please let me know how to find you in the blogging world! lol
Food wise hasn't been too bad, I have even been taking my lunch to work! But last night - when I showed NO DESIRE to cook tea, my wonderful hubby deep fried some chips and dim sims - yup FANTASTIC! (He bought them btw!) I guess this shows me the importance of planning ahead. I am hoping Michelle's program will help me do that, easily. I am busy. Not an excuse, just a reality.
I live on a farm, my first job in the morning is to feed the chickens. I think I worked out it is about 200m to the chicken coupe. Not far, I know - but during winter, when the grass is frozen - well, it is much easier to send my daughter! My plan is to make this into a daily walk. A lap of our block I suppose. I am very unmotivated in the morning. I love my bed. I have undertaken gym things in the mornings before - but the constant 5am start is too much. We wake at that time anyway, my partner leaves here at 6, and I am still dragging my feet at 7. I need to be gone at 7 to get to work on time, otherwise I hit all the traffic (yes, we do get SOME in Tasmania!) A good run takes me about an hour to get in. And usually always that on the way home. So I tend to walk in the door around 6:15 - 6:30. So it is a long day - I'm not here for nearly 12 hours. Now Mich asks me to find a way around our excuses. I really don't know how. I am thinking a slightly longer walk in the morning - a quick 20 min walk at lunch time - and then exercise after tea??? You see, if I don't cook tea, I might get something deep fried, or smothered in butter. In saying this, I am a TERRIBLE cook! lol
So, why did I drink? I received a horrible e-mail off a work colleague. It made me cry to be honest. They are not happy I am in this job, and so they put me down, and bag me out to my work colleagues all the time. So - what would have been a better way to deal with that emotionally? "your worthless - so lets run home and drink" NO MORE! Made me well up just typing that. Very raw still I see! Oh dear... I think I need some good mantras :) I am more than a fat girl ready to die young because I work with a bully! I did send this to HR, and they are going to get a bollocking. But then that is going to have repercussions. So I need all the strength I can muster atm, as I am there manager, and an official warning is just going to get nasty :( So... that's my work life :) I guess this makes it all a little stressful.
Now, on top of all this I am studying Bach Health, Ageing and Community Services at UNE part time. I have 2 assignments due in the next 3 weeks, so my brain is also partially consumed with this, and my home time is FULLY consumed. The good thing is, come June 1 I will be finished, so I will have some me time again, and be able to pick up the house work, farm work and exercise routine again! I think June 1 will be all 12wbt consumed. It is ALL ABOUT ME TIME!
I was following my new found friend Amy on her trip to Melb - she has gone there for the end of 12wbt celebration! How cool is that!! She has lost 95kg?? I think! Maybe 90 - either way, a huge amount of weight. It is strange how for some of us we tend to deal with life through consuming through our mouths... whether it be sweet, savory, cola, alcohol - why is it people have such addictive behaviour? Why don't we go back to good, healthy food. Why should chemicals be sold to us, or really fatty food? Freedom of choice? What wrong with water and lemons? Full cream milk? natural coffee... why do we need water cordial? Coke? Low-joule stuff that isn't even food! Highly processed grains.... grrrr society has gone mad. really, what we need is natural produce. Maybe my plan should be GROW YOUR OWN! Gee, I have enough land to do it... the only thing I may run out of in summer is water - and I know how to get more!
Well today has felt like a rant. Hopefully I can become a little more accountable - the more I rant! Thank you world... and my new fellow bloggers Brooklyn and Jess :) Please let me know how to find you in the blogging world! lol
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
12wbt - time to Blog???
I am a brand new blogger! Amy may have motivated me to start this site - but I couldn't figure out how to use it - so here it is (was) - blank!
Now I have just joined Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation online training program - and what's on there? People blogging! People, like me, who have been finding it very therapeutic to 'get it out there'! So here I am - finally figuring out how to do my first blog!
I have worked out I need to lose about 54kg - that would be about the same weight as my 18 year old daughter! So here we go - goodbye baby! My one precious child is enough :) I also rediscovered tickers the other day - so will try to figure out how to put them on this site... gee, I am getting smart (well, we'll see if it appears!)
We are in the preliminary stages of the 12wbt - cleaning out my kitchen, setting goals and organising ourselves for Michelle's 1200 cal menu in conjunction with six days of training! Can I do this? One of my excuses - my study, is finishing in 3 weeks - so this is good. No excuses time wise - I will be done!! Well, hopefully I'll pass!
I am not sure really what to put here. My struggles, my confessions? My highs and my losses! I am just kind of looking forward to being me again. I think I lost myself a long time ago - I gave up on who I was and settled for Wild Turkey. Drifting into a nice alcoholic coma every day. Ah yes, relaxation, a well deserved drink - EVERYDAY! NB will try to do an alcohol free ticker tracker thing too! 5 days sober!
I have developed some serious health issues because of my drinking - it caused my weight gain. This led to complications I don't know if I am sure I am ready to share yet. However it has emotionally damaged me, even though I am a highly competent and a well liked person I have very low self esteem, and probably more damaging is my self worth.
For the last 15 months I have been seeing a very talented healer. I have gained so much of that self worth back. And I am now finally ready to tackle this body! My head has been in such a dark place - always thinking that the next 'material' thing will set me right! Ha delusional! I even, quite recently decided lap band surgery was the only way out! Sorry folk's - you can still get pissed with one of those things - and no pizza EVER! nup sorry! Got to go back to basics... calorie in and energy out.
So - here I go... posting - blogging away!!!
Now I have just joined Michelle Bridges 12 week body transformation online training program - and what's on there? People blogging! People, like me, who have been finding it very therapeutic to 'get it out there'! So here I am - finally figuring out how to do my first blog!
I have worked out I need to lose about 54kg - that would be about the same weight as my 18 year old daughter! So here we go - goodbye baby! My one precious child is enough :) I also rediscovered tickers the other day - so will try to figure out how to put them on this site... gee, I am getting smart (well, we'll see if it appears!)
We are in the preliminary stages of the 12wbt - cleaning out my kitchen, setting goals and organising ourselves for Michelle's 1200 cal menu in conjunction with six days of training! Can I do this? One of my excuses - my study, is finishing in 3 weeks - so this is good. No excuses time wise - I will be done!! Well, hopefully I'll pass!
I am not sure really what to put here. My struggles, my confessions? My highs and my losses! I am just kind of looking forward to being me again. I think I lost myself a long time ago - I gave up on who I was and settled for Wild Turkey. Drifting into a nice alcoholic coma every day. Ah yes, relaxation, a well deserved drink - EVERYDAY! NB will try to do an alcohol free ticker tracker thing too! 5 days sober!
I have developed some serious health issues because of my drinking - it caused my weight gain. This led to complications I don't know if I am sure I am ready to share yet. However it has emotionally damaged me, even though I am a highly competent and a well liked person I have very low self esteem, and probably more damaging is my self worth.
For the last 15 months I have been seeing a very talented healer. I have gained so much of that self worth back. And I am now finally ready to tackle this body! My head has been in such a dark place - always thinking that the next 'material' thing will set me right! Ha delusional! I even, quite recently decided lap band surgery was the only way out! Sorry folk's - you can still get pissed with one of those things - and no pizza EVER! nup sorry! Got to go back to basics... calorie in and energy out.
So - here I go... posting - blogging away!!!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)